User:Deadfire/Interesting Battletech Things

Funny quotes, tropes, memes and text from both the Battletech Universe and the related real life situations of it.

Equipment section of the BattleMech Manual

• Autocannon — "This is my BOOMSTICK!"

• Rotary Autocannon — "It costs 72,000 C-Bills to fire this marvel of Davion engineering for 10 seconds."

• Machine Gun Array — "You see, it's kind of like a gatling gun made out of gatling guns. . ."

• Medium Range Missile Launcher — "One giant leap backward. It's like the Succession Wars in missile form."

• Heavy PPC — "This is the Lord's Light 3, the most powerful PPC in the Inner Sphere. It's my very favorite gun. I call her Doris."

• Plasma Cannon — "We have perfected your 'Plasma Rifle', Spheroid. That will be one Assault 'Mech." - Clan Diamond Shark Merchant.

• Claws — "RIP AND TEAR!"

• ECM Suite — "Only one man would dare use Somerset jamming techniques on me! ADAM STEINER!" - Nicolai Malthus, The Somerset Strikers series, broadcast 08/12/3052

• Targeting Computer — "All I'm saying is that it stops being just a computer when you've added four tons of servos and waldoes."

• Lance — “At last I can joust with a fusion bomb between my legs.”

• Mechanical Jump Booster — Go go Blakist Jump Booster!"

• Partial Wing — "Not so much flying as falling with style."

• Rocket Launcher — "Surprisingly ineffective as a jump jet aid."

• Stealth Armor — “WARNING: DOES NOT ACTUALLY TURN YOUR ’MECH INVISIBLE.”

• Supercharger — "Well, sir, it all started when Technician Barton told Davis to hold his beer. . ."

• Actuator Enhancement System — "New from Defiance Industries: the Axman, now with Kung-Fu Grip!"

Condottiere assault craft

A small craft that is leased, rather than sold, to customers. In a raid in 3139, a Draconis Combine force raided a Federated Suns world. Both sides had Condottieres as escorts or defenders. When they engaged, the Condottieres on both sides promptly ignored each other to attack the DropShips that they were supposed to defend. You see, there's a mutual non-aggression clause in the Condottiere's lease that prohibits any models on opposite sides of a battle from firing on each other.